• Ultralight Jerk

Opinion: You can pry my cold soaking jar from my actual, cold, dead hands.

There is nothing better on a rainy night along the trail than pouring cold water onto a heap of couscous in a old peanut butter jar, staring at it for 30 minutes to an hour and then spooning the bowl of mush into your mouth.

There appears to be a consensus in the ultralight community that using a stove on trail is somehow a justifiable existence. It is time to speak up.

"Ultralight" hikers these days with their inflatable sleeping pads, pillows and fully enclosed shelters. It is disgusting, weak. Worst of all: the pervasive and detestable use of stoves on trail.

No, you are not going to feel that warm comfort deep inside of you after a meal. And sure, you have to sit around watching other hikers eat - and enjoy - their warm food. But when you cold soak, you rest easy at night knowing that you are better than them and - you saved 2oz on your lighterpack.

So fuck you Jetboil, MSR and Soto for perverting what ultralight stands for. And fuck you hikers that call yourself "Ultralight" but also use stoves like children. I am going to sit here in camp, eat my mush like a goddamn adult and you are going to have to pry my cold soaking jar from my actual, cold, dead hands so you can zip up my body bag (bivy).

942 views2 comments